It's disgusting

I was going to write a post about nerds, their love of zombies, and if my love of zombies is what qualifies me as a nerd. But then I started flipping channels and ended up catching the first minute of Bride Wars. Now, normally, I wouldn't even consider leaving such filth on my television screen, but I recently waited on a guy who is in this movie, so I was slightly curious about his role (and that whole "OMG I waited on him!" aspect). The problem is that I probably won't even notice him in this because I'm not paying nearly enough attention, mostly because I'm too busy ranting about how horrible the premise is. Like, really, you're best friends and you're so self-absorbed that neither of you could budge?!

It kind of makes me not even want a wedding. I'm so not a girly girl in any way, shape, or form. And happy for it. Even more proof to this fact, the guys in the film (I don't feel like I can use the word "film" here, but I already typed it so I guess I have to go with it) are playing Halo, and all I could think is something along the lines of "why is she talking to them about wedding stuff and not saying 'I call next game'". I will never be a legitimate female. Also, if I ever turn into a bridezilla, someone please remind me of this post and every thing else I've ever said.

Okay. This movie is getting out of control. I think what upsets me even more than the absolute shallowness of the main characters is how every other female character in this movie is reacting to the wedding. Like, they tell all of their friends that they are both engaged, and one immediately starts eating ice cream and another shuffles through a medicine cabinet for pills. Let's first focus on the ice cream girl. Her freezer was stocked with a fuckton of ice cream. Just pints all over the place. If she were me, that would totally make sense because ice cream is awesome and should be eaten all of the time. However, you could totally tell that the intent of the ice cream was to be on hand for emotional eating. Hopefully she's not a bridesmaid because if she eats all of that "I'm so sad because all of my friends are getting married and not me" ice cream, she won't fit into the dress that has been picked out by her super skinny, crazy bride friend. I think I'm judging her more than the pills girl. My only real complaint about her is that she should know which pills are where and should have to toss them all around to find the good ones that will quell her inner sadness. At least we know she doesn't suffer from OCD. 

The previous paragraph was pretty harsh. I could be worse. I should be drunk for this. This is why I don't watch rom-coms. Everything about them blows. And you know what? This is probably why I love horror movies so much. Because the annoying bitches that would be the leads in a movie like this are usually the first to go.

Update: Pro to this movie, Paul Scheer as the fake dance instructor.