Monday, November 21, 2011

Boys don't like me. It's probably because I'm too awesome.

As I sit here sipping on a beer, watching a documentary on atomic bombs while waiting for Monday Night Football to start, I am again reminded of why dudes should love me. This is my Monday night (and given my occupation as a server and bartender, my Saturday night), and I wouldn't have it any other way. That's a lie. The only thing I would change is someone to enjoy it with me. And maybe cable so I could actually watch the game (because streaming online is not always the best and refreshing the score on ESPN's website is so not the same). But alas, I am boyless.

Seriously though, how is this possible? I think about this often. My poor friends have had to listen to this diatribe many times. I am very much an independent woman. I can do this whole living as a pretend adult thing all by myself. I have my job, my work, my friends, and my hobbies to keep me entertained. But let's be honest. Sometimes I want to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie with a boy. Or go out for beers and watch a football game. Hell, sometimes I'm even down to just bum around and play video games. And when I get bored with them, you can continue, and I'll hang out with you and read a book or the internet or something (unless it's been all day, then seriously dude, let's go outside and do something). I really am that simple of a girl.

It was recently brought to my attention that maybe this nonchalance might actually keep the boys away from me. I mean, if I were a guy, I would think I was a perfect girlfriend. I enjoy sports and hate romantic comedies. I can't hear the word "thermonuclear" without thinking of WarGames (this thought brought to you by the documentary saying the word). My perfect date would probably be dinner and a movie. Or a show. Or a concert. Or a walk in the park. And dinner doesn't have to be anything fancy. If my team (or your team) is playing, bar food and some beers is totally okay. As long as your focus your sports banter mainly in my direction (you know, showing me your attention), I'm good.

Speaking of banter, my job should really help me in the whole dating scene. I work in sports bars. I'm surrounded by sports and guys all day. And part of my job is making the guest feel welcome at the bar. Typically, this involves engaging them in conversation, and I really do pride myself on being a girl who can hold my own. I admit my shortcomings and embrace where my sports knowledge excels. It's adorable and many people eat it up. Given this, you'd assume I'd probably be good at flirting, but I am one of the most awkward people ever. It might all be in my head, but it's most likely a fact. Or maybe I'm just never aware of when it's happening.

Really, boys, don't be intimidated by me. I have my girlie moments (usually in the case of being unsure about boys or needing to take a day to go shopping or making baked goods). And sure, I know about sports things, but I'm sure you know more. And I like video games, but I bet you can beat me at Halo more times than I can beat you (but when it comes to the original Super Mario Brothers, don't hold your breath. I will kick your ass). I don't need you to take my out to super fancy dinner (though a nice date here and there never hurt anyone).

Okay. That's all for now. If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen making cupcakes. And grabbing another beer.

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