Let's get this straight. I love writing. Adore it. For fuck's sake, I started a blog because I enjoy putting thoughts into words and getting them out into the ether. I think I really enjoy writing because it is an outlet by which I can express myself. Now, with that being said, I absolutely detest writing about myself. When speaking about my goals and aspirations, I compose coherent thoughts and it sounds wonderful (probably), at least for the most part. Yet, when I am presented with the task to write about my strengths in order to impress some board of people deciding my academic fate, I clam up. I panic. I have constant nagging thoughts of not being good enough and am usually overwhelmed by the fear that I will never be accepted anywhere for anything (school or a job) and I will just waste away into nothingness. It gets pretty bleak. My apologies for all of my friends whoever have to witness it. And I know, you're thinking that everyone struggles with this, but really, there isn't any other way for admissions committees to get to know more about the students than from just resume alone. So I get it. I know it has to exist. It's just hard to write.
I've been dreading putting it all into a cohesive document for weeks now. I have been constantly thinking about it, jotting down notes here and there, and started an official document on my computer last week sometime. Today is the day my first application was due, and the deadline has put me into overdrive. That is awesome, by the way. I'm okay with this feeling. Mostly because the rapidly approaching submission hour causes me to be efficient and dedicated with my time. All I have to do is put it together, edit it, have friends edit it, panic about it, and then send it in. Then try my best not to re-read it ever again so as not to find typos and feel bad about myself for forever.
I might write a funny version of a personal statement. Maybe. Or maybe "funny" isn't the word, maybe just "slightly more honest because it isn't shrouded in big words that are used for no reason other than to prove I can". Oh, and I'd probably swear. More later. After I get this done (or until I take another break).