Personal Statement! Fuck Yeah!

Let's get this straight. I love writing. Adore it. For fuck's sake, I started a blog because I enjoy putting thoughts into words and getting them out into the ether. I think I really enjoy writing because it is an outlet by which I can express myself. Now, with that being said, I absolutely detest writing about myself. When speaking about my goals and aspirations, I compose coherent thoughts and it sounds wonderful (probably), at least for the most part. Yet, when I am presented with the task to write about my strengths in order to impress some board of people deciding my academic fate, I clam up. I panic. I have constant nagging thoughts of not being good enough and am usually overwhelmed by the fear that I will never be accepted anywhere for anything (school or a job) and I will just waste away into nothingness. It gets pretty bleak. My apologies for all of my friends whoever have to witness it. And I know, you're thinking that everyone struggles with this, but really, there isn't any other way for admissions committees to get to know more about the students than from just resume alone. So I get it. I know it has to exist. It's just hard to write.

I've been dreading putting it all into a cohesive document for weeks now. I have been constantly thinking about it, jotting down notes here and there, and started an official document on my computer last week sometime. Today is the day my first application was due, and the deadline has put me into overdrive. That is awesome, by the way. I'm okay with this feeling. Mostly because the rapidly approaching submission hour causes me to be efficient and dedicated with my time. All I have to do is put it together, edit it, have friends edit it, panic about it, and then send it in. Then try my best not to re-read it ever again so as not to find typos and feel bad about myself for forever.

I might write a funny version of a personal statement. Maybe. Or maybe "funny" isn't the word, maybe just "slightly more honest because it isn't shrouded in big words that are used for no reason other than to prove I can". Oh, and I'd probably swear. More later. After I get this done (or until I take another break).

How are you spending your evening?

So, it's Valentine's Day. And even though I am single, I still love Valentine's Day. I think it's a cute holiday. It's totally cheesy and lame and everything you would want out of a holiday. People wish you love and there's candy and stuffed animals. AND! There's the added bonus of it being one month from Pi Day. Nerd moment. Let's move on.

I should be working on my personal statement for law school, but more on that later. In the meantime, I have caught up with some friends, read dumb shit on the internet, and ordered chinese food. And there's the motivation wine, which has the added benefit of helping me remain calm about this whole application ordeal. And cheesy poofs. Don't judge. It's doing it job, at least up until I wrote that and was reminded that deadlines are fast approaching. I have my notes for the statement, and some parts of it are written. It's just putting it all together and deciding what to keep and what to discard.

But I had idea. I have heard that sometimes people who need to write something are blocked by the thoughts and words that they know won't make the final edit (and shouldn't even make it into a completed draft). A remedy for this situation is typically to write those words down to get it out of the system. So that is what I might do. Well, that was my plan, but this movie is hypnotizing.

What movie? Red State. So far, so good. I know Kevin Smith is not everyone's cup of tea, but the man can direct. Visually, it's stunning. The dialogue is very good. And the story is creepy. Yay for Netflix having it listed in the first frame of the horror section.

I stopped writing for a bit there. I got sucked in. I am so often that person who watches a movie or television while doing something else. If a movie can completely hold my attention, we have something special. And in a quick check on IMDB, this movie only has a 6.3/10. Not entirely sure how that's possible, but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

There is probably about thirty minutes left in the movie, but unless it completely fails at being a movie, I will recommend this to people. It's beautifully shot. Like, incredibly well done. I'm a cinematography nerd, and I know that's not necessarily at the top of everyone's list. But if it's good, you'll love a movie more because of it. Trust me. It's also really quickly paced. Kevin Smith can be prone to excessively dialogue that sometimes drives the story while often times containing tangents of philosophy of some sort. A lot has happened already. And there are a lot of people who you'll vaguely recognize from some random show or movie or something.

Going to finish this movie (HOLY SHIT WHAT?! Just kidding, I saw that one coming. There were other serious HOLY SHIT! moments though) and pick out my outfit for tomorrow's environmental law event. The morning and I will have to be friends tomorrow, but it's for a good cause.

I don't think that fire should be there. My wine is almost gone. Tonight was a lovely evening. Pink hearts and red roses and all that lame V-Day shit. 'Night, lovelies.

#WineParty

Fuck glasses!

Not the seeing kind. The drinking kind.

Guys, you don't know how to use my phone.

You guys, I can't. I'm laughing too hard.

Heart.

Because tonight should be remembered!

And since three bottles are already gone, we probably won't.

There have been many tweets. My phone has been stolen. I love my friends. This night is just what we all needed.

Seriously no

I'm not going to lie. I got distracted.

Opening the fourth bottle. So there's that.

To give you an idea of where this night is going...

So, it's been a rough week. Drama with the whole being a teaching assistant thing (and expecting very reasonable things from my students, like doing the work). Dealing with Florida State to get my transcripts. And of course the whole writing my personal statement for law school applications (more on that another day). The solution? Wine! And lots of it! Also, some food to fill our drunk tummies.

After a quick walk to the store for some snacks, we returned home to get our wine on and order our pizza. Obviously, we busted out the chips and cheesy poofs while waiting for the pizza. Well, first wine. Then snacks. Then pizza ordering. So that happened.

Then this happened.

That cheesy poof is totally flicking me off! Look, delicious snack, you are not M.I.A. and I am not the Super Bowl audience (yeah, I went there...I'm sorry).

That's where this night is going. Probably. Maybe. Or whatever.

It might sound like I'm anti-sleeping, but I'm not. Probably not. Maybe.

A lot of people truly love sleeping. I have those friends. You have those friends. I assume almost everyone has those friends. Maybe you are that friend? They'll sleep like ten or twelve or however many hours and be so happy they did it.

I am not that way. Not even a little bit. The other night, I went to bed a bit after eleven. I set my alarm for 8:30, to give myself nine hours of sleep (all about those sleep cycles). I awoke at seven and considered getting up. I felt well-rested and alert, but didn't want to be tired come mid-day. So I remained in bed, checked my email on my phone, and brought one of my cats over to cuddle. Eventually, I went back to sleep. I awoke another handful of times before I actually got out of bed at 10:15. Eleven hours. Eleven! Absolutely ridiculous.

I spent the rest of the day feeling kind of groggy and gross. I took forever to accomplish anything. And! Anything that I did manage to get done was only after copious amount of tea had been consumed. At one point, I even considered taking a nap, and I am so not a nap person. Naps for me usually only happen when I have a massive amount of work to do and somehow just fall asleep on the couch, bed, or desk, wherever I'm doing work. If I plan to nap, it rarely happens and then I just get sad because I'm tired and a failure.

The moral of the story is that I should sleep less so that I am better rested and therefore more productive because apparently, even with that many hours of sleep, I still require a caffeine input just shy of having a caffeine drip attached to my arm. And with that, I'm going to have myself a glass of tea and maybe actually get some work done before work. Maybe.

Regardless, I'll just wear blue

Everyone keeps asking me what I will be doing for the Super Bowl. Simple answer on my part. I will be working. I work in a bar. A sports bar. In New York. When the New York Giants will be playing. Against the Patriots. Who have a following in New York (and probably a lot of other places). So yes, I will be working.

Then there's the great followup question of which team do I want to win. Typically, I don't have a particular NFL team. I just enjoy watching it. However, I don't often find myself rooting for either team. And! Neither team has any Florida State players on their roster. So there goes that as a reason to pick a team.

So, who to choose?

Part of me would really love to be in New York when the Giants won a Super Bowl. My first year in New York, the Yankees won a World Series and it was very exciting even though I couldn't give two shits about baseball or the Yankees. If I had to pick a baseball team, I would pick the Red Sox. Why? Don't really know. Don't really care. Let's just not. The point is that it was still neat (yes, neat is the most appropriate word) to be here. A Giants win while I'm working at a mostly Giants fans-filled bar would be very fun. It would probably be incredibly fun. There would be everyone celebrating and cheering and being so happy their team won.

But.

A good amount of some of my closest friends are Patriots fans. And they are very excited for the rematch. Who doesn't love a rematch?! And Gronkowski was pretty valuable to my fantasy team for most of the season. So there's that too.

At the end of the day, I don't know to which team I am going to lend my cheers. I have a few more days to think about it. And accept bribes.